Slow Boarding, Not Snow Boarding

As those of you who ever fly know, the airlines who have more than class of service usually let the first class passengers board first. Makes perfect sense. They are the ones in the front of the plane so, on most flights (737s, A319s and A320s), you have to get around them to get to your seat. Almost invariably, there is one clown standing in the middle of the aisle, trying to take his coat off and put up his carry-on luggage (usually consisting of a steamer trunk) while carrying on a heated cellphone conversation with one of his minions. You know it is a minion because sentences like, "This had better get done today or else" or "I can't believe you haven't completed that project yet" fly like spittle from his taunt lips. These words also are meant to let you know how important he is and that you had best not try to uproot him so you can get your measly shit put up and sit down.

Guess what, dweeb. You are not important. You are just another asshole. You are just another selfish, self-absorbed asshole who can be replaced in whatever function you perform in about 20 minutes. And that's if you die on a Sunday. The flight attendents may be afraid of you but we know who you are. So next time, plop your fat ass down in your seat and curse your peons from there. And do it quietly as we don't want to listen to your bullshit, either.