Friday, February 20, 2009

Grandpas

Here's a little Friday funny for us older folks: A little girl went to visit her grandpa. When she saw him, she ran up to him and jumped up into his arms for a hug. While he was holding her, she began to trace out the wrinkles and seams in his face. "Grandpa", she asked, "did God make you?"

"Why, yes, he did," Grandpa answered. "Did he make me, too?", the girl asked. "Yes, he made you, too, honey", Grandpa said.

The little girl replied, "He's finally getting better at it, isn't he?"

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Shanghai Dave's Ginger Chicken

To honor my sweetie on Valentine's Day, I made my world famous chicken. OK, country famous. All right, all right, it's famous around the house. If you want to please your darlin' with something a little different (besides the handcuffs and velvet whip next to the bed), here is the recipe:

2 pounds of chicken breast cut into 1/2-3/4" strips
one medium zuccini
one medium onion
2 cups of sliced mushrooms
2 cans of water chestnuts
1 package bean sprouts
(You can add whatever veggies that flip your switch - tiny corn, snow peas, etc.)
1 small piece of fresh ginger root
4 tablespoons olive oil (or whatever oil you like best).
1 cup soy sauce

Thinly slice the zuke and the onion. In a wok or large heavy skillet, heat the olive oil on medium-high heat. Add one slice of chicken. When it begins to sizzle, add the rest of the chicken. Sprinkle with Nature's Seasonings or just salt and pepper.Stir quickly and evenly, letting the chicken brown on all sides. When brown, grate the ginger root coarsely and sprinkle the chicken evenly with it. Now, add 1/2 of the soy sauce and stir the chicken to coat it. Add the veggies and the remainder of the soy sauce. Stir to evenly mix the soy sauce. Cover and cook for 5-7 minutes over medium low heat. Serve over rice pilaf.

Rice Pilaf

2 tablespoons butter ( and I mean butter, not oleo)
2 cups of rice
4 cups chicken bouillion

Melt butter in heavy pan or dutch oven, over medium heat. Add rice and stir to coat it in the butter. Let sit, stirring occasionally until most of the rice is a light brown. Add the bouillion and bring to a boil, Reduce heat to medium-low and cover. Let it cook unmolested for 10 minutes then check it. If it is still watery, cook longer checking at 3 minute intervals until rice is fluffy,

Don't worry about the butter. The chicken and ginger will cancel out the cholesterol.

I hope you like this as much as I do. With a prep time of about 15 minutes, less if you buy some of the veggies and the chicken precut, and a cooking time of around 20 minutes, it's a fairly quick meal. If you have leftovers, make sure that you save all of the sauce with the rest as it will taste much better the next day. Enjoy.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Don't Mess with Old People

Just a little funny:

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Looking for that next dynamite investment opportunity? Look no further.


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