Dave'sGardenofEarthlyDelights

2011-12-14T04:44:00.002-07:00

I miss snow. I miss mountains. I miss the sound of flocks of geese flying over on their way to southern climes for the winter. I miss the sudden surprise of a deer appearing on my lawn. I miss cotton candy sunrises as the sun first hits the snow on the mountain tops and fiery orange sunsets that backlight the mountains. I miss Colorado.

2011-12-02T19:08:00.003-07:00

Man, it's hard to believe that it's been a year since I touched this thing. I guess I haven't been very inspired to write anything lately. It may be that nothing that interesting has really been happening lately. Oh, yeah, I was diagnosed with early onset prostate cancer. I am going to be starting radiation treatments right after the first of the year. The case is really mild and the docs are confident that we will knock it out. If that bunch of pessimists are ok with it, I'm ok with it.

Other than that, it's been work, go home, repeat 5 days a week. I haven't even seen any good movies lately, something I hope to change this weekend. I have heard really good things about "The Descendant" and I like George Clooney so I may catch it this weekend. The only place it is playing in Houston is at the River Oaks Theater, which is the "art" movie house in Houston. This theater has been around basically forever. My parent took me with them to see foreign language subtitled films because they couldn't afford a babysitter. They would regret it because I couldn't read the subtitles and would drive them crazy all night pulling on their sleeves, whining, "What did they say? What did they say?" Anyway, the old auditorium is still a favorite of mine and I don't mind driving the extra 15 or so miles to get there.

Other than that, it's football this weekend. University of Houston (my alma mater) plays for the Conference USA championship and a possible shot at the national title in the Sugar Bowl (GO COUGARS) and the NFL Texans play Sunday. Life is good.

Ill let you know how the movie is. Have a great weekend and stay out of jail.

2010-11-26T16:50:00.003-07:00

Requiem for a Cat

In 1994, my sister-in-law, Linda, queen of the animal rescuers, delivered to us a kitten. Someone had thrown it out into the parking lot of the office building where she worked. It weighed a little over a pound and most of that was ears. My wife was reminded of Ichabod Crane in the Disney cartoon version of "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" and that became his name.

After we moved to Colorado in 1996, my wife was having to go back to Houston to help take care of her parents. Ichabod became my friend then. He was never a stand-offish cat. He loved to be held and cuddled and would hunt you down if you weren't in his line of sight. He and our dog, Isabel, got along famously. Ichabod would let Isabel drag him around by his collar then would roundly bat her around the nose when she stopped. It was hilarious to watch.

Ichabod had not been himself lately and, on Wednesday, my wife found blood on his backside. She took him to the vet and found that his kidneys had failed and that he was very dehydrated. The vet gave him some antibiotics and we brought him home so we could discuss our options. We went back to the vet today and found that, even if we bought him some temporary relief, he would continue to go downhill and the treatments would be very stressful for him. We made the decision that we had to let him go. Ichabod McKinney, the coolest cat that ever was, died peacefully at 3:47pm, November 26, 2010.

I had never really been a cat person but I loved that cat. I miss him and know that we will never have another like him. I hope that he is happy wherever it is that cats go and has plenty of boxes to climb in and out of. Goodbye, Ichabod. I will never forget you.

2010-11-12T13:09:00.002-07:00

Fire

I watched the news this morning. Big mistake. There was a fire in a townhouse complex in Webster, TX, a small town close to the Johnson Space Center. A woman lived there with her 4 children. She was able to get out with one child. Firemen rescued another. 2 died in the fire. She and the firemen tried to get them out but the flames were too intense. They had pictures of the two children - a lovely 12 year old girl and a 9 year old boy. All of the bystanders including the mother could hear them screaming for help. How do you get past something like that as a parent?

I did not know any of these people but I just can't get it out of my mind. I realize that things like this happen but I just don't know that I could live if it were my children. To make things worse, the boy that was rescued by the fireman is in critical condition and may die also. God have mercy on them all.

2010-07-30T08:20:00.002-06:00

Age

When I was a kid, I did some math and figured out that, when the year 2000 arrived, I would be 53 years old. In my minds eye, I could see me at 53, long, straggly gray hair hanging over my eyes, leaning on my walker with drool on my chin. Well. today, I am 10 years older than that and still no walker (some days I wouldn't mind having one) and no drool running down my chin (except when I watch the weather with Kathy Sabine). I find myself waxing philosophical about all that has past and I still find myself looking forward with optimism at what is to come. I hope that I get to hang around a couple of more decades to see 8G phones, 4D movies and whatever else the wonderful world of technology holds. Mostly, though, I want to see my grandchildren grow up and have families of their own.

When my mother passed away, we buried her ashes in the cemetery in the small town of Van Alstyne, Texas, where my grandfather had purchased plots for all of us years ago. When the service was concluded, I looked around at the hundreds of markers in the graveyard and realized that I was related to most of the poeple interred there. At that time, I finally found some peace with the idea that, some day, I would join all of these predecessors in this final resting place, that I was not going to be an exception to the rule. I have my time and my place and I am going to enjoy every second that I am given but, when my time is over, I know that the world will keep turning and my family will continue onward. And I am OK with that.

2010-07-26T19:57:00.002-06:00

Vacation - such a short word for such a wonderful state. As I sit here in my real home in my adopted state, I feel normal for the first time in months. I didn't realize that the change in location had discombobolated me quite so much (OK, maybe that's not a word but it should be. If Palin and Bush can do it, so can I). I know that this is just temporary, that all too soon, I will have to fly back to the humidity-soaked jungle that is Houston, but right now, I am just chillin' and diggin' it. I actually slept until after 7:00am, an unheard of act of pampering for me. I hope to do it for the rest of the week.

2010-05-07T17:12:00.002-06:00

Poems

This is a poem that was written by a third-grader in connection with Writers in the School program in Houston, TX.

To the child who is not strong
my friend, get up from the couch,
and climb the highest mountain
in the world
And I will wait for you
on top of the mountain.
Show the world
that you are much stronger
than a hurricane.
Do not say that you are not
worth anything.
If you want,
I can give you my strong hands.
Never, my friend,
throw your dreams
away in the trash.

Perhaps there is hope for the world, after all.

2010-03-07T09:50:00.004-07:00

Back to Exile

So my week back in Colorado ends today. I hop on a plane at 5:22 and get back to Houston at 8:58, tired, hungry and generally sad. And I miss the Oscars to top it of. Watching the Oscars was a tradition with my parents as they were as dotty about movies as I am. It was really important to them who won what. Oh, well, at least I won't get irritated with the dude who wins for best shoes in a comedy or whatever and takes 20 minutes to thank his orthodontist, druggist and his third grade substitute teacher.

2010-02-05T19:10:00.000-07:00

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: "Freeze a jolly good fellow." Then they kick him in the ice hole.

Really.

2010-01-21T11:36:00.002-07:00

Well, the new job is working out just fine and I work with a great bunch of people. They believe in having fun at work and so do I so that works out well. I'm learning all about oil and gas operations. I figured I knew what oil looked like and I get gas all the time so I didn't have much to learn but I found out I was wrong. There is a lot to know so I am keeping busy. I'll keep plugging away.

I also get to go see agents where the oil is like Odessa, TX where only rich people have lawns. Lots of dirt but not much grass. They also have possibly the worst water in the civilized world. Natives don't notice but us furriners won't even brush our teeth with it. Oh, well.

2009-12-01T20:07:00.002-07:00

Ambivalence

Tomorrow, around 9:00am, I will set out for Houston to start my new job. Because of the living arrangements that I mentioned in my last post, it will be a life changing event. My wife and I have been married for 38 years. We have had to spend time apart before but nothing like this. It is going to be hard on both of us because we are still crazy about each other.

However, each time I start feeling sorry for myself and my wife, I think of two things:

1. There are a lot of unemployed people out there that would love to have a job, even in another city. It only took me 3 months to find a job. My daughter, a highly skilled scientist with a degree from a top university, has been looking for 8 months. Therefore, I am blessed.

2. In the next few months, 30,000 more young men and women will be leaving their homes to go to Afghanistan. They do not know when they will see their families again or even if they will survive the conflict. Compared to what these people have to face, my situation is nothing. I hope that every one of them comes home safely in 2011, as the President stated, but I fear this will not be the case.

I will be able to come home from time to time since I still have a lot of airmiles. We will survive this challenge just like we have survived all the rest - we will count on love.

2009-11-22T23:05:00.002-07:00

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho, It's Off to Work I Go

That's right, gentle reader. Just Dave got another job. Yes, it's in another city and yes, I took a 20% pay cut but that's OK. I can snack on dog biscuits (a good source of fiber). The other city part is a bit worrisome as we don't want to sell our Colorado house so Mrs. Dave and I will have to be apart for a while but, thanks to Wilber and Orville Wright, I can get home every few weeks as it's only a 2 hour flight to Houston, where I will be living in my mother-in-law's empty house. She lives with us in Colorado as she cannot take care of herself due to Alzheimers.

I feel very lucky to be getting a job while so many others are still losing theirs. I hope this whole mess gets straightened out soon so people can get back to work and keep their homes. In the meantime, I will be learning new stuff (any remarks about old dogs, etc. will be remembered for later retaliation) and trying to be worthy of the job.

2009-10-28T17:16:00.003-06:00

Dave - His Eyes Opened

Sorry, the title is an obscure reference to a Star Trek TNG episode. It would take too long to explain. Suffice it to say that the title is appropriate as looking for a job has been an eye-opening experience for me. Before the current economic situation, I used to get contacted by one headhunter or another with some fabulous job. Why wouldn't they want me? I have over 40 years experience in my field with a good mix of head office and field office jobs. I have the top 3 professional designations, at least one of which is damned hard to get. However, now that I need a job, nobody is knocking at the door.

I am so much better shape than most of the unemployed people today. I am in no immediate danger of losing my home, the pantry and freezer are full and I have a little cash in my pocket. Therefore, I am not whining. I am just surprised. I have found that most HR folks are simply resume screeners and, if yours does not have the right words in the right order, you are gone. I got a phone interview with a company today that had turned me down for the same position a couple of weeks ago. Fortunately, a lady that I have mentored for years and helped to succeed recently joined that company and started harassing the VP to take a look at me. I think that I might actually get a second interview. If I can put myself in front of the hiring manager, I think I will get the job.

Before I lost my job, I felt sympathy for those who were out on the street but felt no real kinship. Now I realize that they are me. We are in this together and we will survive.

2009-08-25T16:57:00.004-06:00

I don't usually do memes but this one intrigued me:

1. You are at the store when suddenly 2 men walk in with guns and rob the place. Are you the hero, quiet & follow the rules type, or try to make a run for it? I ask if they need help carrying the loot.
2. Do you like Twizzlers? Hate licorice.
3. Are you a YouTube watcher? Rarely. No porn=waste of time.
4. When an auto glass store calls and asks if you have a chip or crack in your windshield, what do you tell them?That I will see them in court for violating the Federal No-Call Statute.
5. What is the age difference between you and your father?25 years.
6. Have you ever tried to find the end of a rainbow?Yes, when I was much younger and still had hope.
7. Camping – recreational vehicle or tent? Tent. Love the smell of canvas.
8. Have you ever had to call 9-1-1?No
9. Whose is your favorite blog to visit? I have a list of about 10 that I visit every day
10. How long do you think you could live locked in your house on the food that you have on hand right now?Months
11. Pepper – shaker or grinder?Grinder
12. What state is 2 states west of you?Nevada
13. What color do you believe you look best in?Plaid

2009-08-10T10:32:00.002-06:00

When you wish upon a star.....

2009-07-16T12:55:00.002-06:00

Rif-Raff

On Monday, 3 days after my 44th service anniversary with the same company, I was advised that my job had been eliminated due to an overall reduction in force. I can't say that it was a shock because we had not been performing well against our plan and my work, except for projects, was becoming redundent to what others were doing. Still, I did feel a little lost for a couple of days until I absorbed the reality. I did get a very generous severance package-30 days paid notice, 1 years salary and 6 months COBRA as well as some other perks. I really can't complain. I know others that are much worse off in their situations.

I think I should be able to find another position fairly soon as there seem to be a lot of openings at various company's websites. Right now, I am just kicking back. I'm taking the wife and MIL to see the latest Harry Potter epic in a couple of hours and I plan to go fishing tomorrow. If worse comes to worse, we can scale back our lifestyle and I will take early retirement as my prior employer had a funded pension plan in which I am fully vested. I will really miss some of the people I worked with (others-not so much).

One thing that gives me a little comfort is that I was involved in a project that was a royal pain in the ass. Every time I thought it was complete, the project owners kept coming back, wanting to tweak things just a little more. This project was supposed to be complete 3/3/09. I have to smile a little when I thing of my boss, who I really like and respect, having to deal with these idiots to get this project complete. I have a feeling that he is going to burn some butts.

2009-07-03T17:54:00.003-06:00

Happy Fourth

233 years ago, a bunch of guys got fed up with King George III's bullshit and told him, basically, hit the road, Jack, and never come back. Here we are now, still not taking any bullshit from folks that give us trouble. There are many problems in this country but I would never consider living anywhere else. I, like the rest of you, will continue to work on the problems we have and enjoy the freedom that this group of guys initially got for us and that millions of patriots have renewed over the years with their lives. Think of them for a minute while you eat your barbecue. Have a safe and happy day.

2009-06-29T16:01:00.002-06:00

M-I-C-K-E-Y, oh forget it..

Back from Orlando/Daytona. It was so hot down there. Ok, so it's my fault for going in June. Just like I go to Minnesota in February. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do to make a buck. I stayed as far away from all the Disney/Universal Studios, etc. action as I could. If you go to Orlando and want to have some adult- type fun, go downtown around the Church Street Station. There is an area there that has a bunch of little shops, bars and restaurants that is a fun place. Pretty inexpensive, too.

I finally viewed that temple to the gods of NASCAR, Daytona International Speedway. That place is huge. Looking at the grandstands, I could just smell the rednecks slowing simmering in the sun. It just made me hotter. I gotta find someplace cool to go for a while.

2009-06-25T13:22:00.002-06:00

Farrah Fawcett - 2/2/47 - 6/25-09

Farrah, who was diagnosed with cancer in 2006, finally succumbed to the disease this morning at 9:30 PDT. This is kind of a hard one for me to take. We grew up at the same time along the Texas Gulf Coast. Although we didn't really know one another, I felt a connection to her because our backgrounds were very similar. My thoughts go out to Ryan O'Neal, who loved her so much and her son, Scott. I hope they can take some satisfaction in the fact that she is at peace and out of pain. I, for one, will miss her.

2009-06-07T16:36:00.002-06:00

Ulm

Ok, ignorant xenophobe that I am, I have to assume that there is a place in Germany named Ulm. I assume this because it seems like wherever a group of German immigrants laid down roots, they named at least one town New Ulm. New Ulm, Texas, New Ulm Minnesota, etc and so on. So I have to figure that this Ulm, Germany is a hell of a place. However, if it's so great, why did they leave? Go figure.

Anyway, New Ulm, TX is the next destination on my seemingly never-ending tour. An old friend and client has a golf tournament there every year to raise money for scholarships for local kids. His son was killed by a drunk driver some years ago and he asks the HS grads to sign a pledge that they will not drink underage or drink and drive. If they do, they are entered in the scholarhip lottery. Good cause. It also gives me a chance to brighten up many peoples lives as they have never seen the brand of golf that I play and many (if not most) find it hilarious. Think Charles Barkley but 10 inches shorter.

The only real problem is that Texas in June is miserable. It will be 90 degrees F with 90% humidity. I will be sweating like Rush Limbaugh at an ACLU meeting. Oh, well, it's for a good cause. And there will be barbeque.

2009-05-29T17:26:00.002-06:00

The other city in Tennessee

Spent a few days in Memphis this week. I didn't get anywhere near Graceland or the Big Muddy but I did get a flavor of the town. It seems like a laid-back place where people live and let live. Of course, it has a bit of a bloody history in the annals of civil rights. Hopefully, those days are behind them. I would like to go back and go down along the river (I have absolutely no interest in Graceland). Maybe later this year.

2009-05-22T13:58:00.002-06:00

The Puzzle Palace

I got back from Washington, DC Wednesday night. Actually, the meeting I was at was in Alexandria, VA, a very cool and quaint (I hate that word but it fits here) village. Lots of little shops and restaurants, including no fewer than 6 irish pubs where you can get your Guinness on.

I did go to Washington to help lobby with the group I was in. I has never actually gone in to try to see my senators and representatives. It was quite an experience. Of course, the actual politicians were gone elsewhere, allegedly voting or doing important goverment stuff, like helping Cheney wax the waterboards or something so we met with their aides. I have to say that I was fairly impressed with the knowledge of these young men and women. They told us the position of their boss on the issues that we brought up and didn't pull any punches. We were gentle with them as we were mainly looking for information. I'm sure these underpaid staffers have to put up with a lot of bullshit.

We found out the Capitol police are on the ball. One of our party set his canvas briefcase down on a bench and stepped about 10 yards away to take a picture of us with the Capitol dome in the background. When we went back, there were three cops standing around the bench with grim looks on their faces. They advised my collegue not to do that again.

All in all, I enjoyed the visit. I couldn't help thinking that, without the bravery and self-sacrifice of the people on United Flight 93 on 9/11, I might have been looking at a blackened hole instead of the Capitol and White House. God bless all of them and may they rest in eternal peace. On this upcoming Memorial Day weekend, we should take a minute to thank all those who are responsible for maintaining our freedom. Thanks to them all. Stay safe.

2009-05-11T16:26:00.002-06:00

Trouble on the Trinity

I fear that something bad is going to happen tonight if the Denver Nuggets sweep their series with the Dallas Mavericks. Therefore, you can be sure that I will be parked in front of the television to make sure that I don't miss a second.

This is the first year in a while that I kept up with the NBA. What is with all of the pushing and shoving? When I played basketball, you would foul out in the first 5 minutes of play if you did that. Now, you have to cause a subdural hematoma to get a flagrant foul. No wonder these guys are in a bad mood all the time. Maybe this activity explains what is wrong with Charles Barkley.

2009-04-23T19:26:00.002-06:00

Music City

So I was in Nashville earlier this week. Cool town. If you get over there and you like a good steak, go to Jimmy Kelly's. Not easy to find but, hey, you got Google Maps, right? Make sure you get the corn cake appetizers. These are little corn pancakes about the size of the dollar pancakes you get at IHOP. I could only eat about 75 of the little suckers. They were great.

If you happen to be staying for a few days, take the NashTrash Tour. These are two old gals in a pink schoolbus who take you around Nashville while making outrageous comments. They are hilarious.

One thing, Embassy Suites - Folks don't necessarily want jazz played at nuclear volume levels while they are using the public bathroom. If you don't want folks staying in your crapper long, hire a bouncer.

2009-04-17T13:31:00.001-06:00

Somedays, you just don't want a convertible.

2009-03-30T18:47:00.002-06:00

Twittering can be expensive

And speaking of basketball ( which I was in case you were not paying attention), Mark Cuban, the intrepid owner of the Dallas Mavericks, was fined $25,000 by the NBA for twittering his criticism of the officials instead of just calling them stupid blind bastards, like he usually does. Isn't technology wonderful?

2009-03-30T18:08:00.002-06:00

The Zen of Basketball

At the end of March, there are 63 teams that are sad and 1 team that is happy. There is no fair or unfair about this. It simply is. It has been for 100 years and it shall be for 100 more. One can no more change this fact that you can stop hair from growing inside an old man's ear. So do not try, little cricket.

2009-03-14T19:11:00.001-06:00

Just a short funny:

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters '

C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'

'Can you read this?' the optician asked. '

Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'That guy's my best friend.'

2009-03-12T17:07:00.003-06:00

Blatantly stolen from Diana Prince at Bulletproof Bracelets http://dianaprince.blogspot.com/. Check it out. Class act for sure.

2009-02-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

Grandpas

Here's a little Friday funny for us older folks: A little girl went to visit her grandpa. When she saw him, she ran up to him and jumped up into his arms for a hug. While he was holding her, she began to trace out the wrinkles and seams in his face. "Grandpa", she asked, "did God make you?"

"Why, yes, he did," Grandpa answered. "Did he make me, too?", the girl asked. "Yes, he made you, too, honey", Grandpa said.

The little girl replied, "He's finally getting better at it, isn't he?"

2009-02-14T19:47:00.000-07:00

Shanghai Dave's Ginger Chicken

To honor my sweetie on Valentine's Day, I made my world famous chicken. OK, country famous. All right, all right, it's famous around the house. If you want to please your darlin' with something a little different (besides the handcuffs and velvet whip next to the bed), here is the recipe:

2 pounds of chicken breast cut into 1/2-3/4" strips
one medium zuccini
one medium onion
2 cups of sliced mushrooms
2 cans of water chestnuts
1 package bean sprouts
(You can add whatever veggies that flip your switch - tiny corn, snow peas, etc.)
1 small piece of fresh ginger root
4 tablespoons olive oil (or whatever oil you like best).
1 cup soy sauce

Thinly slice the zuke and the onion. In a wok or large heavy skillet, heat the olive oil on medium-high heat. Add one slice of chicken. When it begins to sizzle, add the rest of the chicken. Sprinkle with Nature's Seasonings or just salt and pepper.Stir quickly and evenly, letting the chicken brown on all sides. When brown, grate the ginger root coarsely and sprinkle the chicken evenly with it. Now, add 1/2 of the soy sauce and stir the chicken to coat it. Add the veggies and the remainder of the soy sauce. Stir to evenly mix the soy sauce. Cover and cook for 5-7 minutes over medium low heat. Serve over rice pilaf.

Rice Pilaf

2 tablespoons butter ( and I mean butter, not oleo)
2 cups of rice
4 cups chicken bouillion

Melt butter in heavy pan or dutch oven, over medium heat. Add rice and stir to coat it in the butter. Let sit, stirring occasionally until most of the rice is a light brown. Add the bouillion and bring to a boil, Reduce heat to medium-low and cover. Let it cook unmolested for 10 minutes then check it. If it is still watery, cook longer checking at 3 minute intervals until rice is fluffy,

Don't worry about the butter. The chicken and ginger will cancel out the cholesterol.

I hope you like this as much as I do. With a prep time of about 15 minutes, less if you buy some of the veggies and the chicken precut, and a cooking time of around 20 minutes, it's a fairly quick meal. If you have leftovers, make sure that you save all of the sauce with the rest as it will taste much better the next day. Enjoy.

2009-02-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

Don't Mess with Old People

Just a little funny:

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'

Don't Mess with Old People!!

2009-02-03T17:26:00.000-07:00

Looking for that next dynamite investment opportunity? Look no further.

2009-01-05T13:06:00.000-07:00

Thought for the Day

"The only reason that economic forecasting exists is to give credibility to astrology."

John Kenneth Galbraith - renowned economist

2008-12-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

Serving Suggestion for Leftover Turkey Wings.

2008-12-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

Juice in the Joint

I just saw on the news at lunch time that O.J. Simpson is changing his address. That's right, folks. He will be living in public housing in the state of Nevada for the next 8-33 years, depending on time off for good behavior. Of course, the man is 61 now so it's unlike he will make it for 33 years, regardless of how he acts. The judge just kept reading off charges and sentences and his face just kept falling lower and lower. I don't think that he realizes yet that he is really going to jail. I think he thinks he will get out on appeal and the judge will let him wander around free until his appeal comes up. I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen. Sorry, O.J. This time the glove did fit, they did not acquit so in a cell, you will finally sit. Buh-bye.

2008-11-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

Sound Financial Advice

2008-11-04T19:16:00.001-07:00

Civics 101

I am in Houston this week, working on my MILs house and getting a little rest after Las Vegas. My wife and I both voted by mail so that is all taken care of. I saw a news story on the tube yesterday on some high school kids who all showed up at school in McCain t-shirts. Nothing wrong with that except on the back was the slogan, "Obama loves Osama-BFFs". The school officials made them change clothes to avoid trouble. They talked to one of the girls wearing the shirt who said (no kidding), "I think that it is just wrong that someone who wasn't even born here can run for president". I'm so glad she got all the facts before making a decision AND that she is so familiar with the Constitution. Idiot.

2008-10-20T12:27:00.000-06:00

Winners

Just as I am about to give up on the current generation coming out of high school, something happens that gives me hope. Last week, the students at Aledo High School in Aledo, TX ( a small town just west of Fort Worth) elected 18 year-old Kristen Pass as their homecoming queen. This is remarkable in that Kristen has Down's syndrome. Instead of going for the most popular or most attractive, these kids embraced the true spirit of inclusion and diversity, giving this young lady the thrill of her life. She has not removed her crown since. Here is a link to the story and video (I think): http://www.newsnet5.com/education/17723704/detail.html

Three cheers for Aledo. They are not all rednecks, after all.

2008-10-20T09:52:00.000-06:00

Here's a little meme from Skylar's Dad that is kinda fun. You have to have something to say about each one word topic:

1. Clothes - usually and always at work, unless it is Naked Friday.

2. Furniture - mostly Early Marriage although we have been married 37 years.

3. Sweet - Dark chocolate in any form.

4. City - San Antonio, TX. I have been to many cities around the world but many of my happiest moments were in San Antone.

5. Drink - Casual drink is Fat Tire Amber Ale from the New Belgian Brewery in Fort Collins, CO but for serious drinking, either Grey Goose vodka and tonic or Woodford Reserve bourbon with a splash of water.

6. Music - Almost anything. Don't like punk much as it is too angry.

7. TV Series - For network, "The West Wing". For cable, "The Sopranos".

8. Film - "The Maltese Falcon" hands down.

9. Pastries - Starbuck's apple fritters. Yummy.

10. Coffee - Wait a minute, let me check the label on my IV. OK, Kroger Sumatran Blend. All of the flavor at a reasonable price.

No taggees - just do it if it feels good.

2008-10-11T23:19:00.000-06:00

2008-10-05T00:04:00.000-06:00

Love, Death and Vegas

I was in Las Vegas last week for a seminar at the Mirage. I hammered the casino for around $300. I'm surprised I wasn't banned but I guess they were feeling merciful. Anyway, I told myself before I went that, if I won enough money for a ticket to the Circ du Soleil show at the Mirage, "Love", I would go so I did win enough and I went.

This show is based on the music of The Beatles and has more dancing that true circus acts. It is truly spectacular, though. The opening actually made me cry a bit because it brought back so many memories of the time when The Beatles first came to the US. So much has happened in my life since then, most of it good but, by all means, not all of it. If you are a Beatles fan and get to Vegas, you should see this show. Take some cash, though, because the good seats are $150.

Flying back into Denver, we hit some very bad weather. I was listening to Air Traffic Control, which you can do on United, and they were constantly warning pilots of wind shear on the two runways that were in use. I have encountered turbulence before but nothing like this. Our pilot had to abort two approaches because of last minute wind shear. I was almost certain that the plane was going in the ground on the second one. The pilot decided to go to Colorado Springs instead but ATC talked him out it, saying that the front had moved off to the east. As we made our third approach, it was still very rough and I quit praying for a safe landing and just asked God to take care of my family. We did land safely, though. It took about twenty minutes for my hands to quit shaking from the adrenaline rush. After I calmed down, I got mad. The FAA should have suspended airport operations until that weather moved off. It didn't take very long for the front to move out and the brief suspension would have saved a lot of frayed nerves, as I am sure that we were not the only plane having problems.

I will be flying again next week to Indianapolis. I hope I don't have a similar experience or I may have to look into a seat on the Grayhound on my next trip.

2008-09-26T21:45:00.000-06:00

Hurricane Ike

I got back from Houston late last week. It was a huge mess down there. Some 750,000 folks are still without power and many are without water. Galveston is worse, of course, but, somehow, I almost think it is better to have your home totally destroyed that to try to keep living in a house with no services. It was very hot and humid but the air dried out a bit on Wednesday and that cooled things off. Many of the traffic signals are still out but people are generally driving very courteously, treating every intersection as a four-way stop sign.

My MILs house was not damaged but a neighbors large oak tree fell over onto her driveway and took the power, phone and cable lines with it as well as the pole they were attached to. Her power is not back on yet and neither is my SILs or my surviving BILs. My daughter was lucky in that she only lost power briefly. I spent most of my time down there getting some generators set up at my MILs house so they could at least have some light and run some fans. We set up two 5700 watt gennys that run for about 10 hours on 5 gallons of gas. One runs while the other rests. Wal-Mart has dropped their prices for all grades of gasoline in response to the storm, which really means a lot to those people down there. They are also keeping plenty of ice on hand at all of their stores.

They still do not know how many people died in the storm. They just let people back on Galveston Island last Wednesday. The people on the west end of the island are just allowed to look and leave as that end of the island was pretty well completely destroyed since the sea wall does not stretch down there. They know there are probably bodies in the rubble but no one has time to search for them right now. One rather poignant story concerned a 74 year old man who refused to evacuate the island as he was fearful that looters would steal everything he had. As the storm grew worse, he finally understood that his house was going to be destroyed and got in his pickup truck to try to escape. His last communication was a cell phone call to some friends on the mainland, saying that his truck was floating and he had lost control. They found his body behind the wheel after the storm. Sad but I am afraid that there will be many more.

2008-09-17T06:23:00.000-06:00

Kafka Would be Proud

Last Thursday, my wife called me while I was travelling to Minnesota to tell me that her little brother, who was 52, had been killed in a car wreck in Kuwait. He worked for an oil field service company there. Her older brother lives in Houston and was trying to get the details of how the remains would be repatriated when the hurricane came through and knocked out his power. We were able to find out that his company will pay for shipping the body. The catch is that Kuwait is an Islamic country and they do not do embalming there, nobody, no how, becuase, under Islamic law, the body must be buried within 24 hours. Because of all the paperwork, his body will not be shipped to Houston until this Friday or Saturday. It will be in a sealed metal coffin, thank God, and will have to be buried immediately.

Now the catch is that, with all of the rain, etc., they may not be able to dig a grave without it filling with water. So there will be further delays. There are no plans for any type of graveside service but there will be a funeral Mass. However, my wife's family don't want to have that until his wife and daughter get to the US. She is Filipino and not a US citizen so the State Department has to issue her a travel visa but first they have to determine that she doesn't have a nuclear weapon in her underwear or something so who knows how long it will take for her to get here. Also, she cannot go back to Kuwait since she is no longer a dependent of a foreign worker there. My wife and her mother are on their way to Houston now but have decided to stop and stay with her sister in Fort Worth since there is no power at my MILs house in Houston. All the rest of the family that lives outside Houston are waiting with one foot out the door since we don't know when the service will be. What a mess.

Ray was a very troubled man. He got divorced some years ago and hated the US goverment becuase the judge gave his ex-wife so much. He was pretty well estranged from the rest of the family who didn't even know he had remarried. Estranged or not, blood is blood and they want to take care of him. It's just too bad that such a "perfect storm" of events had to prevent them from taking care of business on a timely basis.

2008-09-03T18:58:00.000-06:00

For my wife, on the occasion of our 37th anniversary. It's still there, babe.

2008-08-31T09:59:00.000-06:00

Diversity

The corporate giant that I work for has annual sexual harassment awareness training for all employees annually. Last year, the managers had mandatory diversity training also. As a part of that training, we watched a video that was made in 1968 about a teached from Iowa that taught her class an important lesson about discrimination. I was very affected by this video and felt that it was a highly effective teaching tool. By some miracle, I just found the video on Google. I have not embedded it as it is somewhat long, almost an hour, but here is a link if you would like to watch it:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6189991712636113875

The looks on these kids faces when they find out what discrimination feels like says it all.

2008-08-29T12:22:00.000-06:00

Obama

OK, first let me say that I am still glad that I stayed away from Invesco Field. Hot, crowded, people whining about it being hot and crowded, etc. At the same time, I wish I could have been in that crowd and felt what those people are feeling. I was too young to vote when JFK was elected but I was involved as my mother was very heavily involved in his campaign. I still have her invitation to his inaurgural ball in my souvenirs. I remember the excitement that people felt about that election, that this time, it was not about a couple of stodgy hacks slogging it out.

That is the way I feel now. I watched Obama's speech from beginning to end. I agree that he made an awful lot of promises that he is going to have an awful lot of trouble keeping. Still, the exitement is there, especially after 8 years of watching Bush murder the English language while acting like such a buffoon that Idi Amin would look dignified standing next to him. Maybe Obama can do it. Maybe these are more than campaign promises. Maybe we really can. I would like nothing more than to ditch my political pessimism and believe that a politician really gets it and will truly try to make a positive change. Time will tell but time may be running out.

2008-08-23T16:27:00.000-06:00

Democratic National Convention

The Democrats are coming to Denver next week. We have thousands of folks lined up to protest something, be it war, peace, killing fur-bearing animals, whatever. What the Democrats have to do with any of these things, I am not sure, but protests must be held. I am going to stay out of town in New York most of the week to avoid the hullabaloo.

I have nothing against the Democrats. I am sort of apolitical. I vote for the person whom I think will best represent me, regardless of political party, which I think most people do these days. I don't think that the US will come to an end regardless of who is elected.

I do know one thing: when all of these delegates fly into Denver, one thing they are bound to see as they leave the airport is a big. BLUE statue of a stallion with lighted red eyes. It cost us in excess of $1 million. All it needs to be the world's tackiest sculpture is a flashing neon penis. It simply screams, "Hi, folks, welcome to Hicksville". The delegates will know that, for all of Denver's claims to be a cosmopolitan, hip town, it is still full of rubes. Have fun, Democrats, and don't forget to spend lots of cash. We need the money for that neon penis upgrade.

2008-08-15T15:01:00.000-06:00

George at the Olympics

2008-08-14T08:55:00.000-06:00

Indianapolis

So, here I am in Indianapolis, home of the turncoat Baltimore Colts and the greatest spectacle in racing, Danika Patrick's legs. It is actually a pretty nice place. I could live here. Close in to downtown, there are some fantastic older homes on large lots that I would love to have.

I got a chance to run down south of here and meet up with my buddy, Jodi aka Hoosier Girl. It's always fun to meet bloggers in person and she was no exception. We had a great conversation (nothing sexy-lol). It was a real pleasure and I hope to have another opportunity to visit with her.

Back to Denver this afternoon. Turbulence forcast for the entire US is light to moderate at most altitudes so I will get the airport early and down a pint of Jack Daniels to get ready to fly. That way, I will only puke in my seatmate's lap instead of runnning up and down the aisle screaming and trying to break into the cockpit. See you on the ground.

2008-08-03T12:32:00.000-06:00

Brad Pitt just sent me this picture and wants to know what the hell is going on. Hey, Brad, you either got it or you don't. (Thanks to Sans Pantaloons).

2008-08-03T12:30:00.000-06:00

Here's the skyline of my home town, Houston, TX for Teri's collection. I tried to get one of Lubbock but the building was just torn down.

2008-07-28T13:07:00.000-06:00

Flying Down a Bumpy Sky

I don't know if anyone but me flies a lot but it seems like there is a lot more turbulence than there used to be. I blame it on Al Gore. If he hadn't clued us in on all this global warming stuff, we probably would not have noticed. I am usually in the first 10 rows of coach if I am on United since I have status with them. Believe it or not, the ride is different in different parts of the plane. In First Class and the first part of coach, it's usually not too bouncy. However, when you are in the next-to-last row of a Southwest 737, you can feel like you are on an iron trampoline. I actually got bruises a couple of weeks ago coming into Denver. Now, because of the air flow over the mountains, it is never smooth coming into Denver but it's usually tolerable. This time, I was ready to start clawing at the exit. I don't get airsick but I sure get sick of moderate turbulence. I have never been in what they call severe turbulence and hope I never do. Logically, I know that it is not dangerous and that it would take a team of Godzillas to tear the wings off a commercial jet. However, it is sometimes hard to remember that when you are being flung side to side like a chew toy in a pit bull's mouth. I'm going to try my best to fly in the early morning before things heat up since it looks like there is not going to be any respite from thunderstorm season this year. I'm off to San Antonio this week where I will probably run into the remains of Hurrican Dolly. See you on the ground.

2008-07-12T08:18:00.000-06:00

Remembering Mark

On Tuesday, July 8, a man I worked closely with, Mark Elgin, was returning to Denver from a business trip. As he was exiting the plane, he fell very ill and paramedics were called to treat him. While the paramedics were working on Mark, he suffered a pulmonary embolism and died immediately. He could not be revived. Mark was 44 years old.

Mark was originally from the Philadelphia area and was a huge Eagles fan. I went to the Super Bowl party at his home three years ago when the Eagles played New England. He was a generous person who gave of his time freely. He was very much a family man who was very close to his wife and two children, a daughter 14 and a son 11. He will be missed by all of us.

If you have a moment this weekend, say a little prayer for Mark and his wife, Vickie, and children, Lucia and Nick. As you can imagine, this sudden, unexpected death has been a huge shock for them. I wish them peace and healing. I know that it won't come easy. Thank you.

2008-07-03T09:31:00.000-06:00

Tagged

OK, I've been tagged by the hottest mom in Alabama, Midleah, so, out of my deep admiration for her, I will respond:

1. 8 things I have a passion for

My wife
My children
My country
My freedom
My job
Good food
Good beer
The Rocky Mountains

2. 8 things to do before I die

Travel to Northern Scotland
Go whale watching
Take an Alaskan cruise
Get a clean shot at Osama bin Laden
See my youngest son cured of bipolar disorder
Retire
Personally meet as many of my blogger friends as possible
Have Angelina Jolie beg me for sex

3. 8 things I say a lot

"How much?!!"
"Bonehead"
"I love you"
"Ouch" (say this more and more, the older I get)
"Shit"
"Goddam dog"
"Never happen"
"That was not a career-enhancing decision"

4. 8 books I have read recently

Duma Key
Christ the Lord: The Road to Cana
A Thousand Splendid Suns
Playing for Pizza
An Innocent Man
The Gold Coast
The Love Song of J. Edgar Hoover
King Rat

5. 8 movies I have seen 8 times

The Maltese Falcon
A Night at the Opera
Blade Runner
StarWars IV: ANew Hope
The Fellowship of the Ring
The Two Towers
The Return of the King
Jaws

I am not a tagger so I will skip # 6 but feel free to participate, if the spirit moves you.

2008-07-02T10:13:00.000-06:00

Dominos

OK, so we got the whole floor thing going on. Monday everning, I step out front to enjoy the last of the sunset and hear a hissing sound. I go around to the side of the house and find that my sprinkler system control valve is spraying water. Just a little though, so no big deal. I will call the landscaper in the AM, thinks I. So morning comes and I head down to the basement to drink my morning coffee and fool around on our auxilary computer (shhh-we are hijacking someone's unsecured wireless network). What do I find but a puddle of water under the hot water heater. It is leaking. One more contractor to call. I did get both the landscaper and the plumber out to the house yesterday and got everything fixed (new hot water heater-yikes). So I take my shower this morning and find that the shower will not turn off. We have a single water knob control which I hate and it hits a hard block at about the 1/4 On position. So the plumber, whose kids I am putting through Harvard, is on his way again. As our old friend Roseanne Rosannadanna says, "It's always something". I think in my next life, I will just rent a double wide mobile home.

2008-06-27T12:53:00.000-06:00

I'm Floored

As some of you are aware, I am getting new floors in my house on the ground floor. This move is necessary as the "premium" carpet installed by the homebuilder had the staying power of your average Kleenex. Besides, my wife, LuckyLou, wants hardwoods so hardwoods it will be. I'm kinda looking forward to it myself as I grew up with hardwood floors. So, after much negotiation, the craftsman started work today. We had to move all the furniture out of the ground floor as, apparently, they cannot have one workman hold a couch up in the air while another one hammers boards under it. Who knew?

We are actually getting a combination of hardwood (living and dining rooms) and porcelain tile (kitchen and den). The tile work will go pretty fast, I'm told, but the wood takes longer as it has to be stained, sanded then stained again. We're talking solid oak here, When it comes to floors, LuckyLou don't screw around. Anyway. we are currently without internet service at the house, a fact that makes me itch all over and jump from foot to foot until I can get to work at a reasonable hour to get online. So, if you don't hear from me, I'm not mad, I'm just disabled for a bit (well, I might be mad but I try not to be churlish about it). I will bore you to tears with pics of my fine new floors when the workmen leave and I recover from the surgery to remove the arm and leg that it is costing me.

In other news, Pope Bendict has asked that all parishes be prepared to offer the Tridentine (Latin) mass. President Bush later said at a press conference that he was not even aware that Trident and Dentyne had merged and "that Pope feller was pretty danged sharp". Sigh.

2008-06-22T21:38:00.000-06:00

Painter/Saint

Just when I decide that there are no real good guys left, I read something like this:

This is fantastic! There is hope for us after all.

http://www.militarytimes.com/multimedia/video/hancockportraits_070702/

2008-06-15T10:57:00.000-06:00

Happy Father's Day

Happy day to all you dads out there. Relax, mow the lawn next week. Drink beer, watch sports and belch a lot. You (we) deserve it.

2008-06-02T18:45:00.000-06:00

There is no sound more joyful than the laughter of a child. Enjoy.

2008-06-02T13:56:00.000-06:00

For Ellie, on losing her friend, Dakota. Find peace.

2008-05-25T08:32:00.001-06:00

Remember

At Arlington National Cemetary, 320,000 veterans lie at peace. Do not think of them in the abstract. They were sons, husbands, fathers, daughters, wives and mothers. For each stone marker, somewhere, there is a broken heart and lost dreams. These men and women gave everything they had and would ever have to guarantee that those remaining behind would remain free.

There are names that I recognize on these markers and those in other national cemetaries - Vic Driscoll, lifeguard and athlete, among the first to fall in Vietnam; Mike McAinich, classmate and fellow Scot, also killed in Vietnam; my great-uncle, Garland Baldwin, gassed in WWI, the war to end all wars; Ed Chittenden, who survived the Bataan death march in WWII.

As we celebrate the beginning of summer, we should stop and remember those who fell and pray for those who are still at risk in Iraq and Afghanistan. Let the dead rest in peace, their job well done. And let the living come home soon, to live out their dreams.

2008-05-19T13:15:00.000-06:00

Well, as it turned out, I do have a little down time today. This place is nowhere near Mouseland. It is directly adjacent to Universal Studios Islands of Mystery, etc. I can see the rides and stuff out my hotel window but the building is well enough insulated that I can't hear the screams.

The tiny bit of child that is still alive in me wants to rush over there and ride everything I see. I don't really like roller coasters or anything that takes you high and drops you fast but I can't help but feel a little wistful as I think of days of yore when I would kill to go someplace like that. Getting older has it privledges but it can be a bitch, too. I hope all of you with younger children can take them someplace like this before they get too old to be seen with Mom and Dad. I know that it costs an arm and a leg but I think that the memories may be worth it.

2008-05-17T20:48:00.000-06:00

Land of Many Mice

Well, I am off to Orlando tomorrow for a trade convention. It will be hectic so I don't know if I will have time to post while I'm there. It's at the Universal Royal Pacific Hotel, which sounds pretty swanky. I like the city of Orlando. The downtown area has a section of little shops and restaurants done in bright tropical colors that is pretty cool. I can leave the tourist areas, though. The whole place smells like mice to me, with Mickey lurking on every corner. Which reminds me of a joke:

Mickey Mouse filed for divorce from Minnie Mouse. When they went to court, the judge asked Mickey and his attorney to approach the bench. "Mr. Mouse," the judge said, "It says here that you want to divorce your wife because she is crazy. Is that correct?"

"Oh, no, your honor," replied Mickey. " I want to divorce her because she's fucking Goofy".

Have a great week.

2008-05-13T12:54:00.000-06:00

I guess I've gone long enough without posting some new pics of my great-grandaughter so here are some.

2008-05-10T20:32:00.000-06:00

Happy Mother's Day

Yes, I know it's a Hallmark holiday but we should have a special day to be especially nice to our moms and our spouses that are mothers to our children. The day is a bit bittersweet to me as my mother passed away May 21. 1999. I think about her a lot during this month as we were very close. We were really good friends as well as relatives. I pray for her soul every Sunday at Mass and will do so again tomorrow although I am certain she is in a better place/

Anyway, I will be grilling some USDA Prime New York strips that cost me a bit with big baked pototos and a good salad, celebrating the day with my wife and MIL. I hope you all have a great day

2008-05-10T06:54:00.000-06:00

What Next?

Once upon a time, in the business world, there were meetings. In these meetings, many people got into a room. mouthed platitudes such as "We must think outside the box" and "We must act synergistly". Then they went forth from the meeting, charged up and ready to make the world safe for surety bonds or whatever it is that the company dealt with.

Then, a wise man thought, "These meetings cost money. We have to bring in many people from many locations, reserve rooms at the Red Roof Inn and let them biggie size their meals at McDonalds. There must be a better way". And, thus, the conference call was invented. Now many people stayed at their desk and listened to the same platitudes while they surfed for porn on their work computer and then hung up, ready to make the world safe for whatever.

Now the next bold step has been taken: the webinar. Not only can we listen to someone read a Powerpoint presentation, we can actually watch them turn the pages on our computer and actually read the words, "We must think outside the box". Unfortunately, we can't surf for porn while this is going on but, if we have an office, we can close the door and practice our putting.

This post comes about as I look at my calendar for next week and see that I have one conference call on Monday, two on Tuesday, one on Wednesday, a webinar on Thursday and another two conference calls on Friday. If this keeps up, I will soon be able to out-putt Tiger Woods. Either that or I will have the best porn collection in the office.

2008-05-02T13:02:00.000-06:00

Is Nothing Sacred?

So now it comes out that Barbara Walters had an affair 3o years ago with then-Senator Edward Brooke from Massachusetts.

1. BFD
2. I thought she was a virgin.
3. When I think of hot mamas, having a big fling, Baba Wawa is pretty far down the list.

2008-04-30T12:11:00.000-06:00

Moving On

Well, here I am in Oklahoma City today. At least, I think I am still in Oklahoma City. The way the wind is blowing outside, I may be in Iowa by now. I haven't seen any corn as high as an elephant's eye but the locals insist that it exists.

I went by the monument that is outside the Murrah Federal Center to those who died as a result of Timothy McVeigh's bombing. It is very serene and peaceful. So many children were killed in that attack. I can still see the news photo of the fireman carrying an injured baby that died in his arms. McVeigh got exactly what he deserved.

I go home tomorrow and get to stay for a whole week. Hurray!

2008-04-28T18:44:00.000-06:00

Dave is Where?

Well. Kansas City, that's where, at the lovely Embassy Suites. No, no, not the Embassy Suites on 43rd Street. It is closed for repairs after a visit from some robots from the planet Nebraska. No, I am at the one in Overland Park, which is south of KC, proper (if KC is indeed proper). Nice day today, a little cool but sunny and breezy. I am about to go 4 or 5 pounds of Jack Stack's delicious barbeque. If you ever get over there, get the burnt ends. It doesn't sound appetizing but it is.

That's it. See you at my next destination.

2008-04-27T06:46:00.001-06:00

For dads with daughters everywhere.

2008-04-24T22:03:00.000-06:00

Where in the World is that Fat Bastard, Dave?

Well. kiddies, today Dave is in New Orleans, LA. The historic Wyndham Whitney Hotel downtown on Poydras Street has kindly put me up in a very nice junior suite. The hotel is only a few blocks from the French Quarter, a place I stay away from as I know that I would show up on the internet flashing my boobs for beads. Oh, wait, Mardi Gras is over. Well, it's still not a good place to be, for a dignified, aged person like myself.

Instead, I walked the four blocks to Harrah's Casino and, over the course of the evening, hammered them for $1,018.75. Not bad for an amateur.

It is now 11:00pm and the weather forecast is dark, with continued dark until morning when there will be light unless God has decided to wind up this whole experiment and go bowling. See you when I get back to less dark and humid climes.

2008-04-22T17:05:00.000-06:00

Deportee

With all the debate about illegal immigration, we sometimes forget they are people. However you feel about the subject, let Woody Guthrie's 1930s song speak to you.

2008-04-22T16:03:00.000-06:00

Fire

For those of you unfamiliar with Colorado, it is dry here. Not Arizona or Nevada dry but pretty damn dry all the same. Also, there are thousands of acres of very dead pine trees here thanks to a one inch long bug called the pine bark beetle. Pretty well all the pine forests in Colorado will be destroyed by this bug over time and there is nothing we can do about it.

Put lots of dead trees together with really dry and what do you get? Yep, fire. We have had more red flag fire weather warnings in the last two weeks than in all the years I have lived here put together. Fortunately, the area where I live has very few trees as it is a fairly newly developed subdivision but the smoke can get pretty bad sometimes. I hope that it rains like hell sometime real soon or the whole state might burn up.

2008-04-15T19:51:00.000-06:00

This Just In....

After picking up Pope Benedict XVI at the airport, George Bush first asked where Mrs. Pope was. After being reminded that Catholic priests do not marry, the Prez quipped, " Wow, I bet you got one strong right hand-har har".

Later. the Pope asked if things were going well in Iraq. Georgie answered, " Hey, does the Pope wear a tall hat? Oh, wait, you're him."

And so it goes

2008-03-25T15:14:00.000-06:00

Here's a dandy little video for all of you that think you remember the '60s. Or maybe you just watched them on TV.

2008-03-15T19:48:00.000-06:00

As promised, here is a picture of Giselle and her mom. That mouth is already looking for a nipple.

Here is Giselle at age 4 days. She is a hairy little beastie, too. I can hardly wait to see her again.

2008-03-03T20:41:00.000-07:00

Giselle

My 18 year-old grandson called me at around 4:00pm CST today. I am on the road as usual (in Louisiana this time) and he calls me now and then so I can remind him as to when I will return so he can tell the hookers to go home and get rid of the empty wine bottles. This time, though, he said," I just called to tell you that you are a great grandfather". I said, "Well, thanks, dude. You are pretty cool also." "No", he replied, " you are a great-grandfather. My sister had her baby this morning" I forgot about that impending event.

She arrived a few days early by c-section as she was a breach baby. Her name is Giselle. She is 6 pounds + and 19 inches long ( or tall-whatever). As luck would have it, I was planning to go down to Texas tomorrow for some vacation time and my wife is already there with her mom. So we are going over to San Antonio for a couple of days and meet the young lady.

It's very hard for me to believe that I am a great-grandfather. I'm only 60 but my oldest son couldn't keep his equipment in check and wound up as a father at age 17. He did the right thing, though, and took a hand in raising my grand-daughter and eventually married her mother, although they later divorced.

Anyway, I am pretty tickled and will post some pics as soon as I get some. Welcome to the world, Giselle. I'm looking forward to spoiling you rotten.

2008-02-21T21:29:00.001-07:00

Factoid

I read today that, in roughly 5 billion years, the Andromeda galaxy will collide with our Milky Way.

Just another damn thing to worry about.

2008-02-16T09:16:00.000-07:00

Absolutely my favorite Far Side cartoon.

2008-02-12T22:08:00.000-07:00

Just in time for Valentine's Day, too.

2008-02-08T20:39:00.000-07:00

Kelly Clarkson feat. Reba - Because Of You Music Video
Uploaded by kellyelement
For Kim's friend and relative and others like them. Rescue yourself before it's too late.

2008-02-04T22:15:00.000-07:00

I love me some slide guitar. Gwyn Ashton - "Faded Memory"

2008-02-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

All of the ingredients for a fine Arkansas weddin'. You supply the first cousin;they supply everything else. BYOA (Bring your own ammunition). Hot dang!!!

2008-01-31T20:57:00.000-07:00

HURRAY!! My 2008 DoodleCat Calendar came in the mail today. Now I understand how Steve Martin felt when the new phone books came out.

Now you can just sit there and seethe with jealousy and envy OR you can get your own with twelve months of pictures of the lovely DoodleCat in a variety of provocative poses (so what if January is shot-you still got the picture). Just look to your left. See those links? Click on the one for my buddy, Two Can Anne. Look for the link to order your own calendar (it says 2007 but you will see it is for 2008 when you get to the site). Order now. Times a wastin'.

2008-01-21T12:38:00.000-07:00

Dr. Phil

I've been sitting around today,working on the computer and listening to the TV in the other room. I have now heard the ad about 4 times for The Dr. Phil Show where the good doc has promised to tell all breathlessly waiting 'Mericans the REAL truth about his interview with Britney. I am so happy that this crackpot has finally revealed his true self - a media whore with all of the professional ethics of your average pimp. Hey, Doc. ARE YOU STEW-PID??

2008-01-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

Fast Payday Loans

Yeah, right.

2008-01-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

Blatantly stolen from Teri:

Let's start a band:

1. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:RandomThe first article title is the name of your band.

2. http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3The last four words of the very last quote is the title of your album.

3. http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7days/The third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

Here's mine:

German Skeleton Results of 2006 presents "That would be No".

2008-01-06T22:17:00.001-07:00

Next time you get bored with your exercise routine, give this one a try. Rudolf Nureyev - "Le Corsaire".

2008-01-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

Oh, Boy, A Contest!

In response to a challenge from Jodie at Tres Bizarre, I borrowed this picture from her blog. My caption: " I told my plastic surgeon that, every time I pull this hair, my face does this".

2008-01-04T18:59:00.000-07:00

Tagged, I am

That special person, Kim tagged me for no good reason, as did that intrepid toro muncher, Sushiboy. The rules are:

Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog, tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

Okey-dokey, let's see:

1. Like SK, I won the award for best juvenile actor for my potrayal of Billy in "Season in the Sun" with the Vagabond Players of Houston, TX. The year was 1956. I was 9. I still have the statue.
Thus was my 15 minutes.

2. I served in the Army National Guard in the 71st Airborne Battalion. To this day, I would still rather jump out of the plane rather than land, a fact that really pisses off flight attendents.

3. My great to the third power grandfather (paternal) signed the Texas Declaration of Independance, which really pissed off a whole bunch of Mexicans. Do you see a theme here?

4. My great to the fourth power grandfather(paternal) fought in the Revolutionary War which pissed off enough Brits that they captured him and held him prisoner in Quebec until the war was over. I guess my family just generally pisses people off.

5. I met George W. Bush in Texas when he was running for Congress. When I think that I had the chance to tell him to try selling life insurance instead of politics, it keeps me awake at night.

6. I saw Janis Joplin in concert two weeks before she died. When I heard the news, I cried.

7. Gray Goose vodka is the only French product I allow in the house. And I allow a lot of it.

Sorry, every blogger I feel comfortable tagging has already been tagged. So deal with it.

Ok, Hoosiergirl has now been tagged. My oversight.

2008-01-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

A Portrait in Disappointment

This guy probably planned his whole weekend around the video, too.

2008-01-01T10:17:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year

The new year snuck in around my house, as usual. We watched the ball drop on Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve (poor Dick-such a travesty) and shared the first kiss of the new year for the 36th time. I always hope that the new year will be better, while realizing that January 1 is really just another day.

I picked up the newspaper this morning. 5 people killed, four of them children and 5 injured by a drunk driver hitting their mini-van head-onwhile driving the wrong way down a highway in Ohio.

The drunk suffered an injured jaw.

Same shit, different year.

2007-12-26T13:24:00.000-07:00

This Just In....

Recently discovered scrolls indicate that the tradition of giving gifts at Christmas was started by a group of Bethehem merchants around 65 CE as a way of extending the lucrative Hanukkah shopping season. It was thought that people would follow the example of the Magi and give gifts of gold, frankincense and myrhh. However, ancient inventory and sales records show that these items were far outstripped by sales of Billy Bass and various Chia figures.

And so it goes.

2007-12-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

Arguably, the most beautiful pas de deux in ballet. From "The Nutcracker Suite", the pas de deux with the Snow Queen and her Cavalier. Enjoy.

2007-12-18T21:37:00.000-07:00

Dragonforce - "Through Fire and Flames". This song just got added to my new CD mix, "Music to Drive 90 mph by". And make sure all the windows are down.

2007-12-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

This Just In...

The entertainment community was shocked and agog at today's news that Pam Anderson has filed for divorce from her husband of two months, Rick Solomon. Although separated, their much awaited secretly leaked sex tape should be available just in time for Christmas. Or at least Kwanzaa.

No word yet as to who has custody of the mobile home.

2007-12-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

This is for Teri, to prove that New England is indeed trying to monopolize all of the sports championships. Just look at the thumbs on those guys!

2007-11-26T10:51:00.001-07:00

I was thinking that, you know, here I am, starting to reach the end of middle age and enter my "golden years" and I am still not world famous. So I whipped out my always reliable predictor of the future and asked point blank if I was going to be rich and famous. You can see the reply above. Oh, well, I'm still good at Putt Putt.

2007-11-13T11:19:00.000-07:00